Tuesday, September 29, 2009
¡"Boogie-Woogie Virus" responsible for New England "Jam-Fever" Epidemic! [part one]
Current mood: ecstatic
There's an epidemic tearing mercilessly through Portsmouth, New Hampshire.
The poor, hapless, and increasing numbers of afflicted are reporting pleasurable ringing sensations of the eardrum; profuse sweating; elevated heart-rate and blood pressure; elevated libido; wild, waking fantasies that are unencumbered by the burdens of logic, situational context, or the irrational gravity of emotion; an overall sense of euphoric well-being; involuntary spasms and gyrations of the limbs and pelvis, respectively.
It is intellectually pervasive, psychically penetrating, and highly infectious. Due to the tendency of it's victims to either play musical instruments, or to gather in public places to dance and cheer loudly [thereby perpetuating this awful scourge], this ailment has been dubbed "JAM-FEVER", both cheerfully by it's victims and derisively by the uninfected masses [as well as a couple of real dick-noses at the CDC...].
It is a highly adaptable virus. It has been dubbed HGNR-1 [¡HONKY GABACHO "NO ROTATION" VIRUS], THEP-1 [TRAVIS HOSEY'S "EMOTIONAL PASTE"] and, as of last night, KUATO-4 [KUATO'S Unbeleivable Ass-whippin' Tone Orgy].
Some even claim to experience auditory and visual hallucinations, seeing glittering disco-balls and hearing a primal, grinding low-frequency throb everywhere they go. They close their eyes at night and are subjected to unbridled dreams of amorphic, subconcious abstractions, flittering in strange-colors and polyrhythms beneath their eyelids, where emotion, intellect, and all of the five physical senses collide on a 6-dimensional dance floor.
They awake in a cold sweat, trembling in a glowing fit of "Rock-Out".
Their socks are missing.